Many citizen strive for some form of perfection. Either in their work, in their appearance, in their relationships, in their expectations of others...There are a number of problems with perfectionism not the least of which it is simply not possible. Perfection is an ideal, which, practically by definition, is unattainable. Like trying to stand in the middle of a rainbow; as it's approached, it recedes. The other qoute is that the criteria used to gauge perfection are suspect. How did we arrive at these criteria? Is it valid criteria? And, even if we were to judge it as valid criteria, will it remain so through time? If the criteria for perfection changes, then how perfect could it have been in the first place? Perfection suggests no room for improvement, the ultimate, the top of the line...can't get any better. It's perfect! The irony of perfectionism is that to hold that high, high standard, as an ideal, is an imperfection; it is an irrational and illogical accepted by which to gauge and conclude success or happiness.
Those who strive for perfection often unwittingly make their lives somewhat miserable. There are a number of emotions that accompany the perfectionist attitude. Consider the following questions...
Gauge Absolute Pressure
- Do you get angry when you or others make mistakes?
- Are you unwilling to make compromises?
- Do you come to be in fact disappointed?
- Are you impatient?
- Do you strive to be good than others?
- Would you rather do something yourself rather than delegate it to man else?
- Do you feel that being median is equivalent to failure?
If you answered yes to these questions, then there is a good chance you have some strong perfectionistic attitudes towards yourself and others. And, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. It is inherent to be less than perfect and satisfied. Let's take a closer look at perfectionism and how it can come to be easy pleasure with accepted performance.
Perfectionism is a conditioned belief established in the mind while childhood. There is no absolute guideline or rule that says you must be perfect, or else. But, there may be a conception pattern in the mind that says just that. Parents, teachers, coaches and other adults in the life of a child can in fact imprint the attitude and belief that anything less than perfection is failure. Exactly what perfection entails is often nebulous and ends up being what the adult says it is. This then teaches the child that perfection is attained only when the adult, the authority, so says. As an adult, any achievement of perfection would then necessarily need to be confirmed by some authority figure. Often that authority outline is projected on the spouse, supervisor, owner or some adult in a position of perceived superiority. Immoderate striving for approval by that authority becomes the means to fetch perfection which can cause undue stress and pressure which can then in fact diminish operation resulting in approval ratings that are less than desired and then causing frustration, anger and depression. This may then cause an growth in striving, along with more stress and anxiety which added diminished truly sufficient performance, and the sought after approval. It becomes a downward spiral ending in Immoderate depressive moods, low motivation, decreased self-value and, in some cases, suicidal ideation. It need not be like this.
The requisite factor in perfectionism is what is referred to as "external locus of control" which simply means that we seek the confirmation of our perfection from face ourselves. Even if we ourselves hold the accepted of perfection, we internalized that accepted from adults while growing up. It is not a accepted we have consciously, intelligently and maturely chosen or have fetch after some deliberate thought. Of course, we may use the word "perfect" in a generic sense referring to acceptable, or even good than acceptable, behavior or performance. And, that behavior or operation is gauged by realistic and cheap criteria. But, that is not perfectionism. Perfectionism, by definition and by the conditioning in which it was internalized in the mind, suggests a accepted both unreachable and only confirmed by an face source. As such, the first step in overcoming perfectionism is to identify from whence comes our high, high accepted and then to adjust that accepted agreeing to our own internal framework. That internal framework ought be based on a clear and rational estimate of personel capacities, interests and motivations. An insight of reality based personal and expert goals, along with a rational insight of what it means if those goals are not met, is important in re-evaluating exactly what determines success, as opposed to achieving perfection.
There are several beliefs that can run through the mind reinforcing perfectionism and those need to be changed. For example, the easy belief that "if I am not successful, then I am a failure" is perfectionistic. There is no middle ground. It is Either success Or failure. There are no gradations. In fact, it is inherent to be 80% successful, and that in no way means failure. Even 30% success is not failure; it simply suggests a need for improvement. In that sense, failure is simply feedback showing what needs to convert to perform a higher rate of success. And, indeed, viewing failure as feedback suggests there in fact is no such thing as failure, only feedback.
Another coarse belief is that "If I am not the best, I am no good." This extremely contentious attitude is based on the idea that the best is perfect and anything less than the best is the worst. It is also, like failure and success, devoid of gradations. It is externally oriented as the best is considered by comparison with others rather than internal standards of excellence. However, even internal standards can be extremely unrealistic having been internalized as a child from overly demanding parents. It's ironic that striving to be the best can cause increased stress and anxiety that reduces the chances of performing well, let alone at one's best. And, by taking a more casual approach, there is less tension and pressure, and operation tends to be better. It's a lot easier to be your best when you don't have to be your best for fear of being the worst-and possibly even being punished.
Personal pleasure and happiness can come from successes and achievements that in turn come from sufficient operation and attractive behavior. But, there is no evidence whatsoever that "perfection" equates to real pleasure or genuine happiness; but there is evidence to propose that striving for perfection causes Immoderate stress, pressure and tension that then gives rise to anxiety, depression, psychosomatic symptoms and a normal dissatisfaction and unhappiness. That is the imperfection of perfection. Why not learn to be less than perfect; you'll be happier and healthier.
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